“In my search for being happier, I found that being authentic was better for my health.”
Those who know me, know how much I value my own sense of authenticity. It’s been my guiding light for my healing journey. Using it as a barometer for me to make some wiser choices, to let go of some old patterns of thinking and behaviours and is something I ask of myself daily as a way of holding myself accountable in how I show up in the world.
Authenticity, at its core, is the act of embracing and expressing one’s true self. It asks us to be in alignment with our values and beliefs, shows us how we interact with others and must come from a place of truth and integrity. The practice of becoming more authentic had me having to face some mirrors that showed me where I was out of balance, where I had to confront some pain and heal some wounds so I could let go of the mask of safety.
I had to find the courage to speak my truth, even when I knew it might let people down, or that I would have to stand in a pool of anxiety to keep doing what I knew was right.
Brene Brown in her book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are shares that “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; and nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough.”
This book started my own journey in understanding how authentic living is the path to finding who you are and how you want life to be. I still remember reading it on a holiday in Lindos and being blown open by the reality of how I had been walking very much in the shadow of myself. That how I showed up was more for other’s gain than my own. It made me see the discrepancy between what I wanted to hold as a way of being and how I actually did show up, hiding my true self in case I was rejected or ridiculed. Pleasing and agreeing was the default responses I generally used.
Underpinning authenticity is vulnerability. To be authentic you need to have the courage to be vulnerable. This initially scared the shit out of me. I had shown my vulnerabilities in the past, and I deeply remembered the result. Those times were etched on my nervous system, filed away in my subconscious as the “Do not do that again” folder.
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
But I did become more comfortable with my imperfections, I was able to gain different perspectives on why I felt the way I did, to offer some kindness to the imperfections I sensed I held and embraced them as part of me. I found connections I trusted and I began to let the mask slip and stood up for what I now felt was important to me and trusted that that was ok, and that that was ENOUGH.
I became more comfortable with my quirks, my intense passions when I am interested in something, my need for withdrawal if it was too much. I found my voice and I found it easier to speak my truth, to say no and to ask for help. All this held some risk of rejection, of ridicule, of being made to feel small but that risk wasn’t enough for me to want to stay stuck or stay small.
I allowed my tears to fall, I showed up when I’d rather run away, I told people when I was hurt by their actions and I walked away from things that I didn’t find joy in.
I accepted the flaws, I cheered on the shy new girl that was emerging. I found more connections that felt the same as me. That would stand up and share, would ask if they didn’t understand what I meant and didn’t make me feel silly to have big emotions.
Authenticity breeds trust and attracts like-minded individuals who appreciate and value sincerity, forming meaningful relationships built on mutual understanding and respect is part of the process.
It started with me setting off in search of happiness, I knew that I didn’t want to keep feeling like I was on a merry go round of feelings. I had a deep sense of knowing that I could feel better than I was feeling back in 2014. I thought I wanted to learn to love myself, and now I do, and I thought that LOVE was the ideal. If I loved myself I was in the best possible place to be happy, to vibrant at the peak of greatest potential.
But I now believe that to be happy, to be loved by yourself and to achieve the sense of being alive and in true alignment with all parts of yourself and life your goal should be to be authentic and live in an authentic way.
A study that was undertaken by Gary Breka reportedly found that authenticity is the most powerful frequency of energy that leaves the human body, but the validity of this has been questioned by some. He however reports that authenticity is 4,000 times more powerful than love . The study measured the frequency of energy during interactions between individuals.
However much truth is in his claim, I strongly believe that to love at the highest point is to also be loving authentically, loving unconditionally. Aiming to be more authentic will offer you a map in finding more joy, more ease, more happiness and more health.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken”
Authenticity can help people:
Be who they are: Flaws and everything.
Embrace their skills and talents
Increased self worth
Compassion to all parts of themselves
Sense of achievement
Inner peace
Embracing authenticity requires introspection, self-awareness, and a willingness to explore one’s values and beliefs.
Here are some strategies to cultivate authenticity in daily life:
Self-reflection: Take time to understand what is important to you, what are your core values. What lights you? What gets your spirit soaring, your passions, and goals. Journal on how your actions align with your true self and make adjustments accordingly.
Embrace vulnerability: Be willing to share your true thoughts, feelings, and experiences with others.
Let go of comparison: Resist the urge to compare yourself to others. Embrace your unique qualities and focus on your own growth and self-improvement. Who do you trust? Open up and tell them how you feel, openly express that this is hard but you are going to do it anyway.
Self-acceptance: Welcome all parts of yourself, stop labelling feelings as good or bad, stop judging yourself when you are sad or angry. Embrace that emotion are part of you, in this moment. You aren't the feeling, you are not sad, you are just feeling sad. This will pass. Embrace your flaws and imperfections. This is what makes you uniquely human, we all have a story to tell.
Find your tribe.: Build relationships with people who value the same things,and encourage you to be your true self. Authentic connections provide support, understanding, and acceptance. Be comfortable with allowing them to be truthful to you too. This is where we grow into the uncomfortable spaces and become kinder to each other.
“The greatest gift you can give yourself is permission to be yourself.”
