Jumping ship….
For a long time now I have sat with the question of “What does Facebook really give me”. Like many I imagine, I have had a love/hate relationship with social media. I have found solace and connection in equal measure of frustration and disillusionment. I have found it a place for expanding my world, through groups and teachings and on the other hand it’s made my world feel so much smaller and constricted. Over the last few months, I logged out and deleted the app on my phone. I had physically had enough of the feeling of despair when I was scrolling and feeling more disconnected from what I was seeing.
So I have finally come to a junction on this road, where I'm making some decisions about what is no longer important to me and how I want to show up in my life.. Over the past few years my life has changed. I’ve moved house, explored new places where I live, got married and started a business. During these times, with the external world changing, so has the internal landscape of my inner world. These moves and changes in circumstances have pushed and pulled me into a new shape. I have a new sense of who I am, and what it is I need.
So at this point in time, at this junction of change, I’ve decided that Facebook is no longer a place I enjoy or even feel comfortable in. I have stayed for many reasons over the last 12 months. Some being:
“I get to know what is going on”; I now believe that if I don’t know then I’m not missing out. There is always another night, another opportunity.
“Keeping in touch with people”; There are many more ways to keep in touch with each other, most of them are more satisfying than scrolling through an app. I am always only a message away, I have a huge network of friends that I already struggle to keep up with.
“It is needed for my business”; It may be the case, but I’m willing to take the chance. I’m creating new connections, planning new ideas, making new networks. I’m going to trust something greater than Facebook, I’m going to trust myself to make it work.
I will be staying on Instagram for now, it does seem slightly more enjoyable and I don’t feel so drained from the platform. If we don’t already connect there, then jump over and give me a follow. https://www.instagram.com/julianne_alexander_uk/
My main energy now is going to be my newly established Substack page. I love writing and expressing myself with words so this place feels like an opportunity to be more creative in my writing, to show up differently, more authentically. If you haven’t yet explored Substack, it’s a great place to read some creative writing, to engage with others about more interesting topics than what they had for dinner or them ranting about something trivial in a world that needs to change.
Give it a try. https://substack.com/@wanderingwithwords
So it does feel like I am jumping ship, throwing myself overboard and into the unknown. To potentially splash around in a deep and dark sea of many turbulent waves, being lost and disconnected. Or I could find myself floating, bopping along with ease as the gentle waves guide me, helping me to navigate the vastness of my time and energy.
Making this decision has felt liberating, like I have taken off the chains that weighed me down, like I have released the bindings that made me retract into myself. I feel less restricted and that in some way I’m already being able to take up more space in my own world.
Social media plays a huge part in all our lives, we all have our different reasons to be there. We all have a different need driving how we use it, how we connect and how we communicate. I have no judgement on any of it being right or wrong. I just now feel a real visceral sense that I no longer have the same need or drive for me to be there.
As I find myself in this season of changes, it feels like I’m standing on ground that is forever changing, that just as I think I’ve made sense of something, it’s changed or disappeared altogether from my awareness. It’s what I imagine trying to stand on quicksand would be like. But instead of finding myself struggling, losing balance and going under (which has most definitely been the pattern in the past) I am now able to keep upright. With less distraction from meaningless things, I am more balanced.
I sense the roots of my feet connected to more solid ground underneath the shifting top layer and I have drawn in my core to stabilise myself further. My gaze is up and straight ahead, focusing just above eye level and the horizon, instead of gazing down at my feet, worrying that they will trip up or keep looking over my shoulder so I lose balance.
Recently I have found a new sense of trust in myself, in the world and the decisions I make in it. I have lived with a belief of needing to “know” or “have it worked out” for as long as I can remember. Always waiting and never really doing. I feared failing, getting it wrong or not doing enough. This made me freeze and do nothing. But something changed. I went deeper into myself and looked further into why I felt this way and came to realise some deeper truths. I allowed myself to feel vulnerable.
“Vulnerability is the essence of connection, and the connection is the essence of existence.”
I found a way to soften the frozen parts, so they could become more trusting in the unknown, so they became comfortable in the thought of perceived failings. When I released and surrendered, I became open to a flow of energy. This energy built up, and became a new feeling. I felt something like excitement and anticipation. It searches for a new way of living, of creating and of relating. I’m unsure what this feeling really is for now, but that is ok, it’s new and it’s taking form.
So I find myself here, ready to take a new direction, both within myself and my business. I’ve not worked it all out yet, I have planted some seeds, began visualising some new beginnings. But the new me is more focused on just the next step, rather than the whole road.
So please, come along for the ride. Destination is unknown, it will change, we may feel like we are going backwards at times, or spinning around the same roundabout, but trust me, we are always where we will need to be. Bring the snacks, share your thoughts, I welcome any and all your contributions to the soundtrack that we can play along the way.
As we journey together I will share more of how I got here, the things that helped, the people that helped. I will share my thoughts on what I feel is important for me. I hope they may be important to you, or at least they make you think about what is important to you.
“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
We must learn to be true to who we are, this changes as we change, but always begins with us. Being able to be comfortable with ourselves, to learn to listen and act when we need to will begin a real journey of growth, which ultimately is what we came here to do.
If you want to explore with me the potential of what Substack has to offer, To read what I write and what I share from others, who I have found interesting or inspiring then follow this link and do what it informs you to do, to get onboard. https://substack.com/@wanderingwithwords
Otherwise you have the option to subscribe here to my newsletters. I’ll share my blogs, my offerings and occasional offers of my 1 to 1 work through them. Please feel free to share my work with others, link shares and word of mouth recommendations are certainly the best way to support me.
With deepest gratitude
Julianne xxx
